I had planned on posting yesterday after the girls left, especially after some of your sweet encouragement on Facebook... which by the way, can we all just move to one neighborhood and live life together, drink coffee, laugh the cares away, and live happily ever after?
No? It was worth a try.
But I was so tired and emotionally drained that it was just better for everyone involved for me to take my tired self to bed. I guess it went exactly like I thought and nothing like I had planned. The CW took them as quickly as she brought them back in December, like we had not grown into a family or something.
And it was C's birthday, so there was also that.
Can I just spill my heart for a second? Honestly, I think it has been so difficult on me because I had to fight to be their mom. I was the role in their life that they didn't trust because of their past, and it forced me to put sweat and tears into building a bond. I have never had to fight for the love of a child, and if you want the truth, I hated it in the beginning. But that part about this journey has ended up being my greatest gift, it grew me in ways I didn't know I needed as a mother.
Love is hard sometimes, but it never comes back void. Even when you lose.
They taught me about loving regardless of the outcome, and giving away my heart even though I always knew in the end it was going to sting. They were a constant reminder to me that Jesus didn't say to love only when it's easy or when you won't get your heart broken, He just told us to love.
Love is always worth it. And I would do it again in a second.
I loved that snow day with the girls. It was the first time they had been sledding. We had only had them a couple weeks.
Our whole family said goodbye yesterday, not just me. People always wonder how that is on kids, or how they are dealing. And I can tell you that ours are doing great. They knew we were waiting for C & A's bio mom to get healthy, and even though they were sad, they showed excitement for them about being able to see her again. I was proud of them. I'm sure there were times that this year was hard on them - they had to share their things, make room for kids their own age, and watch Eric and I struggle through some hard times with the girls. But they also learned about relentless love and a never failing hope.
And I know God will use that in their lives. Like I said, we would do it again in a second.
And we may. Our hearts are still deeply in the system. We plan on still being involved, we are just going to wait for God to show us how. I think my heart is going to take a little hiatus from taking in older kids, mainly because my heart is still with the older ones who just left and I know we could get a call about them at any point.
But we'll see. Our line is open, and so are our hearts :).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging around for my ramblings. I so appreciate the support and encouragement that you've shown us!